How to Rename Your master Branch to main

In 2020, GitHub changed the default branch name for repositories from master to main, claiming a milestone victory for social justice and taking a yuge leap towards sealing the political rifts in our country and spit-shining the tarnish of slavery on the entire world for basically all of human history, up to and including today the US.

Below I've outlined the easy steps you can take to switch your current and future repositories to the whitewashed, purified, and Party-approved nomenclature for the branch that is

adjective
    a. having chief authority
    b. principal, predominant
    e. being a device or mechanism...that establishes a standard
    f. being or relating to a master from which duplicates are made

Step 1

lol don't


Afterwards, be sure to:

  • Boycott the financial system, because MasterCard.
  • Destroy all of your keys, because they're made from a master copy.
  • Bully the chess club at your kid's grade school, because we can't have them becoming FIDE masters, national masters, or grandmasters, can we?
  • Rip up your master's degree then go punch a grad student.
  • Take a sledgehammer to your master bedroom and master bathroom then set up a tent in the backyard.
  • Destroy every famous work of art. We can't have masterpieces occupying our museums, can we?
  • Renounce your US citizenship, because Master Sergeant is a rank in our armed forces.
  • Cut the brake lines in your car, because they're connected to a master cylinder.
  • Buy nothing but cheap garbage on Amazon that's made in China because master craftsmen have got to go. Who am I kidding, you probably already do this.
  • Stop listening to music, because they have master recordings.

Serious note: Do not let anyone co-opt your use of language. They are free to disagree, but only you control your tongue. Language is how we formulate our speech, and speech is how we express our thoughts. The slow dismantling of our language is in reality a subversive campaign to curb your freedom of thought, and as a result, your freedom of self.

Updated July 24, 2024 at 09:00 am CDT